Jerk Of All Trades
by Crazyman03
Summary: Roman Torchwick was definitely a rising star in the Criminal Underworld. Being one of the youngest criminals around with a great sense of fashion and a good record of stealing, it didn't take too long to get his name around the city. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Being caught by a little girl wasn't in his bucket list, much less attending Beacon Academy.
1. Caught By Heroes

**It is I, Crazyman! Back once with a new story to entertain people once again!**

**First things first, this story is mostly going to be about Roman if that wasn't already obvious from the summary. The big difference here is that Roman is very much younger than he is on the show (17 years to be exact) and he gets to go to Beacon with our beloved cast of characters that is RWBY and JNPR. **

**I judt thought of this story like what, two weeks ago? Myy schedule was kinda screwed which held me back on releasing this. But now that I have enough time on my hands I can finally afford to make this story.**

**Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Story Title: **_Jerk Of All Trades_

**Rating: **_T_

**Genre:** _Adventure/Friendship_

**Summary: **Roman Torchwick was definitely a rising star in the Criminal Underworld. Being one of the youngest criminals around with a great sense of fashion and a good record of stealing, it didn't take too long to get his name around the city. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Being caught by a little girl wasn't in his bucket list, much less attending Beacon Academy.

* * *

**Caught By Heroes**

It was already nighttime in the city of Vale. Most citizens are either going home or already asleep. Which meant there weren't that much people around, seeing the few people roaming around the streets.

Which meant it was the perfect time to initiate his plan.

Being recruited by some old woman he didn't know anything about, you'd think he'd be careful about creating a partnership with some stranger. But he knew the lady was dangerous. Roman Torchwick; despite being young, was not stupid. All those other kids playing hero and 'saving the world', those were idiots. Honestly; the world's already a messed up place, it doesn't need teenagers' help to fix it. What the world needed were people like him; knowledgeable, smart, and most importantly - _realistic_.

Hunters were nothing more than naive morons, end of story.

Walking towards his destination, Roman couldn't help but smirk at the sight of random people being afraid of him. They were doomed to die. They _feared _him, Grimm ate people filled with negative emotions. With the amount of negative emotions these people experience everyday - be it fear, anger or something similar, it was a miracle Vale was still standing.

He took a look at the men Junior gave him; who were all wearing smirks just like him. Even if Junior supplied him with his best men, Roman knew that the idiots would snitch him out if given the chance.

Which goes to show how he didn't need a large group of people to help him. He can take care of business himself as a matter of fact. Besides, the only reason he got these idiots was through his _boss_.

His Boss? Oh she was nobody important. Sticking to the shadows like some paranoid old lady, she was rather unknown to the public. Stupid old hag wanted a crap-ton dust and wouldn't even take 'no' for an answer. He was already doing fine on his own without the old hag complaining in his ear 24/7, she just had to ruin it.

He couldn't complain though; since he'd meet death if he does, which made it all the more infuriating.

Few seconds have passed before Roman finally reached the target. "'From Dust 'Till Dawn'? What kind of senile old man would create a name like that?"

Entering the shop with the goons he's been given, he was met face-to-face with an old man who seemed to be in his two-thousand and forties. Seriously, the amount wrinkles on his face was unbelievable.

"Hey there gramps, nice dust shop you have here." Roman smirked before looking at one of his henchmen and nodded. Said henchman then pointed a gun at the old man's face, forcing him to raise his arms in submission. "You wouldn't mind if I take something from here, right?"

The old man shivered at the sight of him, scaring the life of them had always been the best part of the job. "Please! Just take all of my Lien and leave!"

"Ehehe- no." He blew a gust of smoke on the shopkeeper's face; making him cough after inhaling the contents. Roman hopped over the counter and sat cross-legged on the counter. "Listen to me you old ass, I'm the one that makes the orders here. I ain't leaving 'cause you told me to, and I ain't leaving after getting your worthless Lien. Now make use of that old ass of yours and give me your Dust."

Nodding furiously, the old man got to work. Roman smiled in contentment before looking back at his henchmen; who were just standing like statues. "Don't you respect your elders? Help him get the dust, lazy asses!"

"But you're younger-"

"And I'm better than you!" He growled. How incompetent were these fools? "Time is money. Money means paycheck. Paycheck means Lien. And Lien means you could pay your broken down, run-of-the-mill apartment bills. Now get moving."

He heard the goons grumbling before dispersing. Roman sighed at the sight, he needed to have a well-mannered talk with Junior once he was done with the job.

Pulling out Melodic Cudgel from his hip, Roman then wiped the weapon of any dust and dirt that it might have garnered with recent use. Your weapons needed to be as clean as you, after all. Speaking of dust, his cane was already running out.

He was already stealing, right? Might as well steal some ammo. Maybe add in a little extra just in case.

Once finished stealing all the dust he needed, he saw one of his men fly out the window like a pervert who peeped in the women's bathroom. A little girl in red followed him as well. Looking out the window, he saw someone he will deem as 'Little Red' posing outside with a huge gardening tool on her hands.

"Please tell me that's a young looking twenty-one year-old..." He grumbled. He would kill Junior for giving him men who can't even beat an Oum-damn _kid. _Roman noticed all of his henchmen looking at the girl; tense at the sight of her. "What the hell are you waiting for?! Oum's resurrection? Kill her!"

So they did. Let him add the word 'try' in there. They 'tried' to kill the girl; but upon realizing they were absolutely useless in combat, Little Red just kicked their asses like she was watering the flowers. The kid was all over the place, he barely managed to follow the thing. She was on the left, she was on the right, next thing you'll know is that she somehow made it to Vacuo.

She finished the encounter by bringing one of his henchmen into the air and throwing it near Roman.

"I don't know how you made my day worse, but you did." Roman lightly kicked the fallen man near him; a groan coming out of the poor bastard. Walking up to Little Red, he readied Melodic Cudgel from any incoming attacks. "Well, I must say I'm rather impressed Red. Not everyday you see someone beat my extremely useless underlings. Maybe a cookie as a reward for your bravery against these fools."

When he noticed Red not doing anything and staring, he took this opportunity to raise his cane and aim it at the girl's face.

"Great as you may be, I'm still better than you."

Shooting fire dust at someone wasn't what kids would call 'very nice', but he could have fun with his new playmate at a later designated time. Running towards the nearest ladder he could find, he moved with the speed and effciency of a ninja running for their lives. Hearing the police sirens from below also helped him speed up.

Roman finally reached to the top of the building and took the chance to breathe. He knew Red was still chasing him, but it was better to calm himself down before facing her yet again. As predicted, she came flying in the skies like some kind of Deathstalker and landed on the rooftop. "Hey!"

"Oh hello there once again, Little Red! Didn't see you to suddenly come flying in the air like a stupid crow." He saw her face falter before getting angry. What? Did she have a bad history with birds or something? "You're persistent, aren't you? But unfortunately, this is the part where I make my great escape."

As if on cue, an airship appeared right behind him. Seeing the door to the airship open, he used his chance to quickly board the vehicle. Facing Red with his cane in tow, he said his final words before making his departure.

"End of the line, Red!" He smirked before throwing a red dust crystal in front of her, shooting a bullet at the shard to make it explode.

Roman smirked after he saw the girl in front if him being covered in smoke. Aura or not, there was absolutely no way anyone would be able to survive an explosion like that. His smile soon faded when he saw an older blonde woman with a glyph instead of an unconscious girl.

Oh my Oum, you have got to be kidding!

The old hag shot multiple laser beams at the airship, making the thing unstable to ride. Roman was skilled at dealing with thugs that were stronger than him, all he needed to do was make them angry and make them lose their focus. But when you're standing inside an airship that seemingly about to crash, you don't much of a choice apart from running away.

"Tch. The old hag can handle this." Running up to the Pilot's seat as fast as he can, he fully expected for his Boss to be driving the airship. "We've got a huntr- Who the hell are you?!"

Instead of his Boss, he saw one of Junior's goons driving the airship.

"Where the hell's the dust hag?!" Roman shouted. He didn't have much time on his hands due to the barrage of attacks on the airship, but he'd rather get an explaination out of the fool instead of being left in the dark. "I thought the plan was that she'll be driving?!"

"She said that it's better to leave someone who was a lower rank to drive instead!" The Pilot quickly explained in one short breath. "She said she was confident in you not being caught anyways!"

"Was she confident that I can fight two Oumdamn people while on a dying plane!?" He sarcastically remarked before seeing dark clouds above them. "What the hell...?"

Shards of ice rained down on the already busted airship. He was lucky to avoid one that was coming towards him, the pilot didn't have much luck on his end. Roman heard an explosion outside soon after, one of the wings most likely exploded after suffering heavy damage from the shards. Red lights flashed all around the airship as it slowly came tumbling down to Remnant.

Having no more escape routes, he knew he was going to get caught once the plane crashes. Taking out a cigarette and his lighter, Roman said his final words.

"Eh, might as well." He tried igniting the lighter, only to realize it not working. "Oh, you have got to be fu-"

XxXxX

"Roman Torchwick." The blonde old hag from earlier placed a bunch of files on the desk. The hag had a whip; or riding crop, or whatever you call that dominatrix thing she was holding. "One of Vale's rising criminals with a proficient escape record and a condescending attitude, it's a miracle for you to be even roaming around the streets. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Of course I have!" He smirked. If it weren't for the handcuffs that was tied onto his chair, he would've added hand gestures that were supposed to be considered 'rude'. "And I say that I deserve every little bit of my freedom!"

The riding crop smacked the table with intent to kill, effectively surprising Roman in the process. "Geez! Watch where you're aiming that thing, lady!"

"Do you honestly think this is some kind of joke?!" She smashed her hands on the table; her eyes glaring at the criminal furiously. "You should be in jail right now! If it weren't for you being so young, you would've been put into a solitary cell in Atlas!"

Not gonna lie, he was genuinely surprised at the sudden attitude change from the woman. "Guess it's that time of the month, huh...?"

"You little-"

"Compose yourself, Glynda." A calm voice entered the room. The man was one of many faces he could recognize with just a single glance. "We don't want to get in anymore trouble now, do we? The paperwork is already enough."

Glynda hesitantly looked at Roman before saying her apologies. Although he didn't miss the final glare the woman sent him. Once the blonde had left and took her place on the side of the room, the grey-haired man then took the seat right across him and placed a mug on the table. "Roman Torchwick-"

"-One of Vale's rising criminals and - yada yada yada, how great I am." Roman cut off, making fun of the old hag's earlier remarks. Seriously, he didn't another introduction of himself from someone else. "Look, I don't know what your deal is. But I promise I won't bother you anymore if you just uncuff me ang give me a fifteen second headstart to escape."

"That would be a generous offer, but I'm afraid that I must decline." Humor was not evident on the man's face, seeing as he didn't even move his facial expression. "You look quite young in comparison to other criminals I have seen, is there a chance that you actually _are _as young as you look?"

"I'm certainly much younger than you if that's what you're asking." Roman chuckled before leaning back on his chair. "Why? Already have aging problems?"

Instead of responding, the grey-haired man just held a large scroll on his hands and played multiple videos of him robbing different dust shops. The first few videos had him stealing alone; but the most recent one with Little Red, had men in suits surrounding him.

"I must say that you're quite impressive regarding showing off your...abilities." The video then played Roman sticking his tongue out while holding up a middle finger. "But I have to ask. You were already doing fine by yourself when robbing stores; was there any reason why you decided to get partners to help you? Especially ones that manage to provide you airships?"

Roman smirked as the man kept his gaze on him. He wanted information, right? It didn't have to be nescessarily true, as long as it was information. "Well, I was getting big in the Underworld. Might as well hire goons to help me do all the work, right."

"And the airships?" Of course he wanted an answer to that.

"It's registered! I even have the legal papers on the airship, though they were also burnt _with _the airship..." He lied. Why wouldn't he? He was a gentleman, not a snitch. "Well, it was nice talking with you guys. But I have a flight to catch. Now if you would kindly take away my handcuffs, I-"

"Do you know who I am, young man?" Little as it may be, Roman could feel the anger on the man's voice.

He grinned with glaring eyes before answering. "Professor Ozpin, who else?"

Ozpin took a sip from his mug before continuing, slightly calming himself down in the process. "Correct. Do you know what I'm about to do to you?"

"Hopefully not not kill or maim me..."

"Don't worry, young man. I'm not the type to do that." He simply stared at him, no longer was the glare that he was given earlier. "Instead, I'm going to pull a couple of string and have _you _enter _my _school."

"What?!" If he was being honest, that was _not _the answer he was thinking of. Being brought to Atlas and staying there, being imprisoned for life, being publicly executed for Oum's sake! Going to a hunter school was the last thing in his mind.

Even the blonde old had seemed to agree with him. "B-But Professor Ozpin! Do you know what would happen if we let a criminal like him in our school? Imagine all the trouble he would cause!"

"Yeah, old man! Imagine all the trouble _I _would cause!"

"I'll handle all the paperwork Glynda, just get him in the school." The man gave a little laugh at the reactions of both Glynda and Roman. He then looked at the young boy in front of him. "As for you, I can see the potential within you. You're just using it in all the wrong ways, child. Come with us, we will help steer you into the right path instead of leeting you become a petty theif with exceptional skills."

The cane-wielder growled at the last statement. "I'll never become a hunter, even if it kills me."

"Oh? And why is that?" From an outsider's perspective, Ozpin was simply staring at Roman quietly. But to him, he was challenging him. He was slowly getting infuriated with the headmaster due to the look he was giving him. He wanted to fight, but he was unable to.

"...It ain't your business." He grumbled.

"Understandable." Ozpin simply acknowledged Roman clear uninterest in communicating information with him. Getting up from his chair, he then prepared to leave the room alongside Glynda. "Thank you for your time and cooperation, Mister Torchwick. You may not want to be a hero today, but you will change soon with time."

Roman glared at Ozpin; who had a final parting message before leaving.

"I will make sure of it."

* * *

**And done.**

**Okay. Let's talk about changes here. Mainly Roman. I tried to correlate his attitude with his age, which meant that he had to change a bit from 'Gentleman Criminal' to 'Skilled Punk'. Obviously, Roman isn't as strong as some characters now that he's much younger and less experienced, but that doesn't mean he can't stand toe-to-toe with higher leveled people.**

**I think I captured Roman's character to some extent, but felt like I was missing something. He only had 20 minutes of screentime after all. So if you see something that I'm missing with the character, please point it out for me.**

**I'm not sure about shipping though. That will come in time, but it's more of a secondary thing rather than the selling point of this story. **

**Reviews are love. Although, it's not as lovely as cookies and pancakes. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**My P a treon account:**

**P a treon (/) Crazyman03**

**Support me and I will become more motivated to post a chapter. More motivation = better and quickly produced chapters that will release in 1-2 weeks.**


	2. Going Away To Beacon

** Hey, I'm back.**

**I don't have to say apart from thanks for reading this story. Yes, I will now end the story here. Now you might be wondering, 'The hell? Why does this end after two chapters?! Are you an idiot?!' No. I am not an idiot, I am crazy.**

**All jokes aside, I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Going Away To Beacon**

Roman knew that life was going to bite him in the ass one day. Whether it would be him getting arrested and put into solitary or getting eaten by a Griffon, he knew he was gonna get screwed one way or another.

Then an old man simply decided to bend him over and do him dirty by sending him to Beacon Academy.

The criminal-turned-hunter stood in one of the corners of the airship, crossing his arms and smoking another cigarette. Looking around, he saw two things that had caught his interest.

The first one was that there was a blond boy with a green face, clearly about to vomit his guts out. This is what hunters look like nowadays? They looked like a complete mess. Their bright clothing mixed in some stupid one-of-a-kind personality, how are they considered hunters?

They looked like idiots to him, a violent one who wants attention.

Now it might be somewhat hypocritical for _him _to say that, but he was different. He wasn't dumb. Violent, sure. But not dumb.

The second thing that grabbed his attention is the hologram in the middle seemed to show the recent news happening around him. He never saw the news all that much, since he was most likely busy planning his next heist or something similar. Who knows? Maybe they'll actually show his face now that he's been captured and put into the hell hole he calls a huntsman academy.

"News flash: Faunus Rights Protest Ruined By White Fang." The woman named Lisa Lavender announced. Naturally, he would've called the lady an old hag. But since he was trying to be as nice as possible today, he settled on calling her 'news hag'.

Anyways, the news mentioned something about the Faunus; which was something he didn't even remotely care about. It seems that 'Old Man Coffee' didn't want to announce that the local criminal was going to a school filled with his students. Which was reasonable enough in his book, who would - in their right mind - announce a famous criminal going into a school filled with people he hates?

"You!" The sudden shout broke Roman's attention. Looking around with his eyes, he saw a girl that had a little _too much _of white in her approach him. "Do you not have any shame, smoking inside the airship?! The fire alarm's going to drown us in water because of your behavior!"

His eyes widened when he realized who the girl was.

Weiss Schnee.

Daughter of the guy that he was robbing over and over again, it was no surprise Roman knew about her. For all he knows, she was a singer. He didn't hear anything about the heiress being a huntress. Maybe it was a private matter? They didn't want to know that the daughter of the largest companies in Remnant was being turned into a faunus-killing machine.

A singing faunus murderer, he could only imagine...

"Nice to know you're concerned about my health, lady." Roman puffed out one last smoke before taking away his cigar and putting it back in the container, it would be a waste if he just threw it away. "So, what the hell's the daughter of the Schnee Dust Company doing here? Got bored of singing and decided it was better to fight? That's a messed up way of thinking, princess."

"Excuse you?!" Her face displayed shock upon hearing his words, she was most likely born with a silver spoon in her mouth. "And what are you - a nameless punk - doing in one of the most prestigious academies in Remnant? Do you think _you_ would be cut out to become a hunter?"

"Ooh, big words coming from such a small little girl." Roman fixed his posture and neared the heiress, towering over her and smirking. "You should've stuck with singing, princess. I heard that we have to fight big, scary monsters that's hiding under your bed. You should turn back while you still can and play around with your throat in your house instead, I'm sure a lot of men will be happy about that."

"And what is _that _supposed to mean?!" She raised her voice, her temper clearly flaring like a raging fire. Now this was interesting, the heiress of the SDC getting angry at random -_ innocent _civilians. If he could get evidence of her acting the way she is now, then it might be enough to further ruin the reputation the already dwindling company has.

Only if he had a camera with him, then he would be having the time of his life.

"For your infomation, I've had years of hard work just so I could enter Beacon. Unlike you; who probably cheated his way in, I received high-quality training from Atlas. So if you even _think_ that I'm not capable of fighting, then you're rather incorrect with your line of thinking."

"..."

"What? Have I stunned you to silence with my words?" She held a smirk on face; showing a smugness that could rival Roman's.

"Oh, I wasn't listening."

Her smirk broke and replaced it with a face of anger and frustration. It's always fun making people angry. While she was still in a state of shock, he continued his barrage of verbal attacks. "Look here, princess. I don't care about you, your life story, or your status. All I care about is hoping that I will never get to see your extremely powdered face, ever again."

Before she could even respond, an announcement was made in the airship; stating that passengers had arrived at their destination.

"Oh, would you look at that? It's time for me to go away and never see you again." Grabbing Melodic Cudgel that was resting on the wall, Roman took his leave. "See ya later, _Vanilla._"

Roman simply walked away; leaving the Schnee to stand in place, shocked and angry.

XxXxX

Now that that's over with, Roman along the crowd of huntsmen. He was slightly frustrated when the students didn't even recognize him; let alone notice him. To them, he's just another face in the crowd; literally. Don't they see what was on the news? He could forgive the international students; since he was only robbing Vale for a year and a half, but not even the ones from Vale recognize him.

If he had to guess, it's that they were busy training their asses off, or just didn't care about their town at all. He figured it was the latter.

"I swear, I'm gonna die before I get to a classroom..." Roman sighed. Pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, he was about to light the cigar before hearing a noise that sounded extremely disturbing. Whatever made that sound, it must be something disgusting. "The hell was that...?"

Trying to locate the originator of the voice, he somehow managed to end up near a trash can. Not only that, but the blond boy he had saw earlier was releasing his guts out in the can.

So this was the disgusting creature making all those sounds.

"Geez, the hell happened to you? You ate too much breakfast or something?" If he had to be honest, he had no reason to be hanging out with the loser. The only reason he was even talking to the loser was due to the fact that he didn't even care much of the school and had nothing better to do with his life. "I don't want to be rude or anything, but that's just disgusting."

"I can't-" The blond boy puked one last time before slowly lifting his head up; a lightheaded expression hanging on his face. "Ugh...I can't control it..."

"What can't you control, your sickness or your horrible-sounding vomit?" Roman lit the cigar he had pulled out earlier and puffed a smoke; his stress slowly decreasing. Realizing he had solved the mystery of the disturbing sound earlier, Roman even had less of a reason to talk to the boy.

Walking away silently, Roman didn't get far before the blond tried to stop him in his tracks. "Wait!"

He ignored him.

"Hold on!" The boy placed a hand on his shoulder; effectively stopping Roman from leaving him. "I need you!"

"Look. Whatever you want from me, I don't care." Roman took the boy's hand off his shoulder; wiping on the spot he placed his hand on. "I'm not interested in men either, blondie."

"I just...need to know the directions." He hesitantly uttered out of his mouth. Again, why was this fool talking to him? "This is my first time here, so I'm kinda lost."

"The hell you're asking me for?!" The ex-criminal nearly choked from the smoke inside his mouth. "Both of us came from the same Oumdamn airship! You're asking the wrong person, buddy. No, scratch that. You're picking the _worst _person to ask for directions! For all I know, we're got to the exit before we even saw the stinkin' entrance."

Before he could even continue his rant, they heard a loud boom from somewhere near them.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, I don't care, and I don't wanna have anything to do about it." Roman tried walking away again, but was halted with a hand grabbing his shoulder. "What!? You got a thing for shoulders, pal?!"

The boy slightly faltered at his sudden outburst. He knew he shouldn't have approached him, which was one of the reasons why he hated working with people. They just ask for something until you either break their noses or give them what they wanted, of course Roman chose to send them to the hospital instead. Even with all the anger he had sent the boy, he still had the nerves to speak to him. He could respect that. "I-It's just that someone might be in danger. That could've been an explosion or something worse!"

Alright, he had to at least humor the kid. Standing up to him and talking after he got angry took nerves of steel. Normally, he would've knocked out the guy with his cane and left the body for someone to pick up. But since he was in a school filled with people that hated criminals like him, he had to play nice and fair with the others.

"Fine." He grumbled. "But if this turns out to be a complete waste of my time, you'll give me half the Lien that's in your wallet."

The blond seemed to shiver at his statement, but gulped and nodded.

"Alright, now let's go find this explosion and get this done with."

Walking towards the location of the explosion with the boy behind him, Roman took the opportunity to get some info out of the loser. "So; since I figured I'd be stuck with you for a selected amount of time, I would very much appreciate it if you gave me your name and your credit card number along with that."

He looked genuinely surprised at the question at first, before nervously chuckling after. "You have a strange sense of humor, uhh...what should I call you?"

"Roman, and I was being serious." Normally, he would've answered like a wise-ass just as he did with the Schnee earlier. But the kid was practically harmless; and despite being the same age as him, the blond felt much younger than him. Must've been the street knowledge he has. "Unless you want me to keep calling you Blondie, I suggest you give me your name."

"I-It's Jaune."

"Yeah- no." No way was he going to call him by his name, it just didn't roll of the tongue like his name was. "I'm gonna settle on calling you...Mango."

"Mango?"

"Don't ask." Roman dismissed. Truth be told, he was not good at remembering people's names. Not because he had bad memory, but because of the fact that he couldn't care less about them. He settled calling older women 'hags' and called same-aged teenagers ice-cream flavors. Although, a couple of people like Little Red and Old Man Coffee were excluded from that treatment.

"Hey look!" Mango pointed somewhere in front of him. "There's someone on the ground."

Taking a closer look, it didn't take long for Roman to recognize the damsel-in-distress that was on the floor.

With a smirk, the ex-criminal confidently walked and stood over the one that had placed him in this situation. "Well if it ain't Little Red. How's Beacon treating you?"

Her expression changed from despair to shock upon seeing his face. Getting up from the floor, she accusingly pointed a finger right at his face. "You! What are you doing here?!" She then turned her attention to Mango; spectating the scene like some kind of creep. "And aren't you the guy who threw up at Yang's shoes?"

The blond hung his head in shame. "Why did you have to remember that...?"

Realizing that Mango was currently stealing Little Red's attention and his spotlight, he bumped him to the side and stared down the girl. "You wanna know what I'm doing here, Red? It had something to do with a little girl, who had a dangerous weapon in her hand, and a color scheme that reminds me of ice-cream."

The scythe-wielder simply looked at him in confusion.

"Who's that?"

Roman could only twitch his eyes at her stupidity. "Gee, I wonder who attacked me last night and gave me to the police. I couldn't remember her face or the stupid clothes she was wearing, only the over-sized gardening tool she had on her hands. Guess I have bad memory issues, huh?"

The child simply looked at him silently, using her ant-sized brain to connect the dots.

"Me?!" Oh, that was faster than he originally thought. "_I'm_ the reason why _you're _here?!"

"Congratulations, Little Red. You actually used your brains for once, I'd give you a cookie if I had one." She frowned after the cookie comment. Was she allergic to the food or something? Roman then turned around and faced Mango; still standing on the side like some sort of statue. "Alright Mango, a deal's a deal. I helped you, you leave me alone."

Before both of the two could even give a reaction, Roman casually walked away from them. He wasted enough time, might as well get back to business.

It didn't take long enough before Roman stopped in his tracks, forgetting one minor detail about where he was walking off to.

He was lost.

"Hey! Roman!" Mango approached him yet again; Little Red lagging behind and still frowning at him. What did these two want now? "Do you know where we're supposed to go? Ruby and I actually have no clue where to go."

"And of course, I have the answer to your questions." Roman growled. "Look Mango, I'm lost as well. If I look some kind of guru you can ask every time you have a dumb question, then I appreciate the compliment. Because, guess what? I'm not Oum."

"Oh..." The blond stared at the floor before pointing to a random direction. "I guess we should go - that way?"

"Yeah, I think we should." Little Red spoke up after staying silent for the past two minutes. "C'mon Jaune, let's go."

Red then pulled Mango to the direction he pointed at, leaving Roman to be alone in the courtyard.

"Eh, it's not like I have to follow the rules anyways." He pulled out his lighter and cigar yet again. "Finally, some alone time with me, my lighter, and my cigar. Nothing could ever ruin this-"

Not even two minutes into his break, a feminine voice interrupted him.

"Mr. Torchwick, I believe smoking is against the school's laws." He saw the blonde old hag from last night approaching him; putting an end to his previous and short-lived happy mood. With the whiff of her riding crop, his lighter and cigarettes flew away from him; including the backups he hid in case they found it. "I will be confiscating these."

"Oh come on, are you for real?!"

"It seems that you're lost as well, seeing that you're simply standing alone in this courtyard." A knowing smirk ran through her face. "Don't worry, young man. I'll personally escort you to the auditorium, just in case you get lost."

There were times when Roman hated life and life hated him.

This was one of these moments.

* * *

**End chapter.**

**For those who might be thinking, 'Hey, where's Neo? Why isn't she with Roman in Beacon?' And to that my friends, I will give you this fairly simple answer...**

**I have no clue what to do with her.**

**I had two things I wanted to do to include Neo:**

** One, have her be caught with Roman during the airship scene where he crashes. I discarded that idea since they would be able to escape since Neo has experience in escaping whenever shit hit the can. **

**The second one was that Roman would haggle to Ozpin that he wouldn't go to Beacon without Neo. Not only that, I will take away Nora/Ren's character and replace it with Roman/Neo. That the second good plan I had in mind, but that went down the drain either. Since having Neo would somewhat cheapen his interaction with all of the main cast.**

**Reviews are love. Give them away like how Ruby shares her cookies. The review cnan be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**My P a treon account:**

**P a treon (/) Crazyman03**

**Support me and I will become more motivated to post a chapter. More motivation = better and quickly produced chapters that will release in 1-2 weeks.**


	3. First Night In

** Hey, I'm back.**

**First of all, thank you for all the Neo suggestions you guys gave me. I swear I would straight up cut her from the entire story if it weren't for you guys. Although, I am slightly struggling with the idea of shoving Neo in the group out of pure temptation. As much as I want it, it's better to leave Roman alone to interact with RWBY and JNPR first.**

**Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Monty Oum and Rooster Teeth.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**First Night In**

Horrible. His life, his criminal status, and his predicament? All horrible. He really had nothing to say.

Well, apart from a couple of vulgar words and expressions to Old Man Coffee and his old hag of an assistant - then he really had nothing to say.

Standing stupidly inside an auditorium as big as the blonde hag's chest, Roman grumbled while overhearing many students talk about their lives. Normally, he would try to eavesdrop and get blackmailing info out of them. But he really wasn't in the mood for threatening as of now.

"You!" A familiar voice shrieked from somewhere near him. Sheesh, he was going deaf with all these high-pitched girls around him.

Maybe this was Oum's way of saying he should his ears once again. He was used to silence and ignoring unnecessary noise from invading his ears. Which made sense with the fact that his partner was a tiny mute and his boss had a deep voice. There was also the green-haired chick, but nobody cares about her.

Roman looked at the girl responsible for nearly murdering his ears and saw that it was Vanilla who did it. "Geez, girl. I know you're a singer and all that; but use your voice for singing, not for shrieking. My Oum." He grumbled before seeing two other girls near the heiress. It was Little Red and some blonde girl with _interesting 'personalities'_. "Now that is a nice rack if I ever seen one..."

"I-Isn't it rude to stare at a girl's...um, chest?" Roman turned to the side to see Mango nervously looking at him. Oh great, what does he want now? "A girl's looks isn't what makes them beautiful. Trust me, I've got seven sisters."

Roman flashed the moron a glare. Why was he here again? "Look, Mango. I have no idea why you're talking to me about morality and your seven sisters. But if you don't leave me alone within the next three seconds, I will seriously take all the Lien you have inside your wallet. One, two-"

The blond boy that was originally right next to him disappeared.

Well, at least _some _people are smart enough not to cross him. If Mango actually stayed with him, the idiot would be in another world of pain. He was mad, and a mad Roman doesn't like to be messed with.

After his interaction with Mango, he wasn't really feeling up to hearing what Vanilla said to Little Red. He could tell that Snow-White was pissed at the kid, who wouldn't with that annoying attitude of hers? The child must've done something that ticked the heiress off; even in their first meeting.

She probably got blown up using 'cause Red snorted some fire dust.

Yeah, maybe that was the case.

A dying microphone filled up the already noisy room. Yep, it's official. He was finally deaf. He had a partner who's mute, a silver-haired asswipe with robotic legs, and now he had broken ears to complete the set.

Oh how much he loved Oum when it comes to his luck.

"I'll make this brief." Roman saw Old Man Coffee up on the stage with his bombshell of a hag right next to him. "All of you have gathered here today because of your own personal motivation. It might be that you wanted to become a huntsman due to romanticized visions of being one, or maybe you had something to prove to the world. To prove you are more than just some defenseless weakling..."

The orange-haired teen felt the headmaster's gaze on him.

"Or maybe, you just ended up here to change an abominable past..."

Roman growled as he saw the old man smirk at him. So, he thinks he can get away with that?! He dragged him into this stupid mess, and he's making fun of him?! Coffee-addicted old man or not, he's gonna beat his wrinkly ass! While he's doing all that, he'll enjoy every single moment of it.

But it seemed that the headmaster wasn't done with his speech just yet.

"But despite all that hard work you have done slaying the mythical beasts that is Grimm, I can only see nothing but wasted potential." The crowd muttered after hearing the sudden insult. "All of you; despite going through rigorous training, have yet to experience the true responsibility of being a huntsman. A huntsman does more than protecting the people, killing the Grimm, and stopping criminals from obstruction of justice. A huntsman has a more important role than the ones stated earlier. One that not even veterans can truly grasp..."

More shushed voices came from the teens inside the room; most likely talking about the harsh words the old man just told them.

Despite being pissed at the bastard, Roman couldn't help but respect him a little. The guy doesn't have an idiotic vision where children were 'the hope of the future'. He was being real. He knew that only mature people know reality. Everyone in the room thought that being a huntsman was fun.

It wasn't. What kind of idiot would find fighting and potentially dying fun?! If he was fighting, then it was because he had to survive. Not because he was found it fun.

"I'm not going to tell you what the true responsibility of being a huntsman is." The man said once again; shushing the entire room. "That is for you to find out."

And with that, Old Man Coffee left the stage and the blonde hag took the stage. "You will all gather at the ballroom tonight. Tomorrow, your initiation begins. Be ready."

The hag left the stage soon after. Whispers filled the entire room after the two leaders left the stage. Roman didn't listen to most of them, but he got the gist of the conversations.

These kids were scared. Hiding underneath all those smiles and bravado. Even if they were brightly smiling, they were jarred by Old Man Coffee's words to say at least. They think they already knew the world 'cause they know how to fight? He'll be the first one to tell them.

Living in this cruel world needed more than just combat experience.

People lie, cheat, and steal. Because deep down in their hearts, they know...

That it was the only way to survive...

XxXxX

Everyone had organized in the ballroom; just like the hag had ordered them to. As much as he hated the headmaster and his group of lackeys, he wasn't going to pass up an opportunity of rest. Crashing an airship while he was inside, getting caught by the police, and being transferred to this horrible school could only do so much to him. To top it all off, he didn't even get any rest at all! The kids were too loud for him to get any sort of sleep, while the blonde hag confiscated his Oumdamn cigarettes!

But it doesn't matter now, he finally can get the sleep he deserves. He wasn't able to get to much when he worked under Fire Hag, so he will proudly say that he deserved it.

Speaking of which, they never did contact him again after his 'disappearance'.

Oh boy, he had loads of explaining to do when he gets back to Fire Hag. He would've contacted her and reported to her about his predicament, but his scroll got destroyed along with the airship.

Searching for a place to crash, Roman realized he had none. He didn't want to sleep in the middle of the room, obviously. The sides were already filled up with sweaty boys wrestling like idiots; sorry, but he's not like those monkeys. Antisocial kids were already filling up the corners as well, which added more to his frustration since that was already his last hope.

"Looks like I ain't getting any sleep tonight..." He grumbled before shoving a hand in one of his pockets; presumably searching for something. "Where's my- oh. I forgot, the old hag took my damn cigarettes. Great, just great."

Roman was about to sleep standing up before seeing a large spiral staircase near him. Thinking that it might be a possible to sleep on one of the steps, the ex-criminal walked towards the stairs. "Eh, better than nothing."

Sitting down, the boy finally had to chance to rest his legs. It might not be much, but it was better than nothing. The air conditioning on the ballroom wasn't the best, so Roman opted on taking off his clothes for the moment.

Removing his hat and suit jacket, he felt much cooler than before. He took off his gloves as well, wanting his hands to breathe for once. Callus were seen from his fingers; due to the fact he had to work most of his underworld life to get where he was. He set his cane aside just in case some dumbass tries to pull a prank on him.

With his signature clothes gone, he was left with a plain black shirt, black pants and his shoes. Despite the topless guys around the room and him still wearing appropriate clothes, he couldn't help but feel naked. That's not to say that it was a bad thing, it's just that he wasn't used to not wearing his suit jacket every time he lives and sleeps.

Roman felt his neck stiffen from the uncomfortable position he was about to sleep in. He grumbled as he grabbed hold of his neck, "I might as well sleep on the damn floor if it's gonna be like this..."

Tireless; the ex-criminal scanned his surroundings until he found something interesting or get bored enough to be lulled to sleep. Looking on the men's side, he saw the same wimps playing kiddie games like wresting and...wait, who was that?! And what the hell is he wearing?!

The strange boy in a bunny suit walked near him. He almost burst out in laughter upon realizing who it was. "Mango!? The hell are you wearing?! You look like a twenty year-old man trying to become a two year-old kid! It's both creepy _and _clinically insane."

"My mom gave this to me..." The blonde frowned after hearing the insult, but it didn't last long. "What are you doing on the staircase, anyways? Aren't you going to sleep?"

"I would if I could." Roman would've threatened the boy once again like he always did, but he was kinda getting bored and had nothing better to do. Besides, Mango - or _Jaune _wasn't a bad person at all. Stupid and annoying, yeah he had those qualities. He just made himself less annoying whenever he talked to him. "The staircase ain't doing any wonders for my back either..."

"Oh. Well, you could sleep with me if you want."

What in the name of Oum was he talking about!?

"The hell you mean by that?!" Okay, he was seriously starting to regret saying that Mango was a decent person at all. "Look here, Mango. I'm starting to have second thoughts whether you're interested in guys or not! I certainly ain't, so stop trying to hit on me!"

The dunce must've realized what he just said; seeing that his face turned as red as a strawberry. "W-What!? No! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Just..get the hell away from me for the moment..." He sighed and closed his eyes, he didn't want to deal with stupidity when he was tired. Mango looked like he was about to say something, but ultimately decided against it and walked away.

That was enough for the boys, time to look at the girls. While the boys played around and did stupid shit, the girls were busy gossiping to each other on how muscular the guys probably are. Typical. Eyeing something else that wasn't about teenager girls talking to each other, Roman found the same three girls from earlier fighting once again.

It looked like Vanilla was dissing Little Red again. The blonde; who still had no name for, was defending Red like she was some kind of sacred prophet. He had noticed there was a girl in black near them; not giving even the slightest amount of interest at the situation. Red...was Red. She wasn't doing anything of significant importance.

The fight quickly ended as soon as it started. Roman chuckled as he watched a pissed off Vanilla walk off into the distance. "Aww, and I was starting to enjoy it as well."

The orange-haired boy was about to go to sleep when he noticed Little Red staring at him; frowning as she did. She was probably still mad about that cookie comment he made earlier in the courtyard, it won't be surprising if she was petty enough to think that.

He didn't pay much attention to Red and opted to go to sleep. If she wanted to stare, then it was fine by him. He didn't care what she thought of him, and he doesn't care about her either.

Closing his eyes, Roman slowly went into the darkness.

That is, before he got interrupted by something that he felt in his lap.

"What the..." He opened an eye to see something that genuinely surprised him. A dog pillow had seemingly fallen into his lap. The ex-criminal realized that a pile of red rose petals have gathered around him from nowhere. "What in the name of Oum is the meaning of all this?"

Picking up the pillow, he used it to get a much more comfortable position than the one he had earlier. Hey, nobody was looking for it anyways. Might as well use it.

Whoever gave him that pillow must've been some kind of guardian angel.

Kinda ironic for a demon like him.

* * *

**And boom, done.**

**Now we're about finally hit Initiation, I will now give anyone who reads this story the privilege to vote on the upcoming poll:**

**"Which team should Roman be in?"**

**To anyone reading this story, you can now vote on which team Roman will join after the initiation. Will it be Team RWBY, Team JNPR, or another hidden option in the poll?**

**Okay, I'll stop the announcer talk. Basically, I've got ideas for whenever Roman joins Team RWBY or Team JNPR. The problem is I'm not sure where to put him. I wanted to put him in RWBY because; well - it's _RWBY_. But I also wanted to put him in JNPR, since I'm finding his interaction with Jaune rather enjoyable to write.**

**Of course, I can't just put him in JNPR just because I want him to interact with Jaune. So I'm giving you guys a chance to decide through a poll where Roman goes.**

**You can view the poll on my profile page. I'm not entirely sure if anonymous people can vote though...**

**Reviews are love. I'll point Melodic Cudgel on your ass if you don't leave one. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**My P a treon account:**

**P a treon (/) Crazyman03**

**Support me and I will become more motivated to post a chapter. More motivation = better and quickly produced chapters that will release in 1-2 weeks.**


	4. Morning Disasters

**Salutations!**

**First of all, I'm very much happy that you guys are cooperative with this story; especially through the polls. Although it's not as popular as Blonde Memories (#ShamelessPlug), I'm grateful that there's still a group of people following the story. **

**Now let's talk about the poll. I will be discussing specific results in the end A/N, but I do have to say that some of your ideas interest me. I see a couple of reviews telling me that I could stick Roman in Team CRDL and how he could use them to his own advantage. For anyone who also likes the idea of Roman being in this Team, I will now add Team CRRDL into the poll options.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Morning Disasters**

Roman woke up from his decently-timed sleep.

"Finally, haven't slept like that in weeks..." Shaking his head, Roman stood up and stretched his entire body. He looked outside the window to see that the sun hasn't even risen from the ground and the people around him still asleep. He really hasn't adjusted to waking up in the morning; like most of these kids do. He woke up early to work and get stuff done, unlike lazy asses that keep wanting to stay in their beds after waking in the afternoon.

You know what they say, the crow dies hungry after the early bird got to the worm first.

Or something like that. He didn't give a damn.

He noticed something soft behind him and realized that the pillow was still there. "Huh, Nobody took it. Weird. I was sure some douchebag would've took it away from me while I slept. Guess my luck is finally going back to normal."

He wasn't the type of person to normally express his gratitude to someone, but he really needed to thank the person that gave him the dog pillow last night. He would've suffered worse than a stiff neck if it wasn't for the pillow helping his back. Hell, maybe he wouldn't even get to move around if no one gave him the thing. His back would've been too broken.

"Wait a second..." Roman paused. If he didn't get the pillow and broke his back while sleeping...

Then that means he could've excused his condition and skipped the Initiation...or even better; get expelled 'cause of his shitty back.

"Oum damn it!" Roman cursed under his breath. "If it weren't for that scumbag who gave me the pillow, I could've actually had the chance to escape!"

Of course he was just fooling himself. Old Man Coffee would probably think of a way to screw him over, if he even gets the chance to convince the old blonde hag to take him to the clinic. She would probably tell him to walk it off or something similar. He was still grateful at the guy who gave him the pillow; even if he wouldn't publicly show it. He'd rather have his back okay rather than break it and die in one night.

He would return it - which never happened once he 'acquired' something, only if he knew who it was from.

He put on his signature clothes back on; thinking that someone might steal his high-end fashionable clothes if he left them on the stairs. And no, he didn't steal these. These clothes were _paid_, so of course he wouldn't want it to be stolen from him. He got the clothes before he even started becoming a criminal, for Oum's sake!

Roman was finally done dressing and even grabbed Melodic Cudgel from one of the steps, he was unsure on what to do with the pillow though...

"Hmm...Might as well ask around then, shouldn't be too hard." Roman grabbed the pillow. He looked around and saw that a few students were finally waking up. Color him impressed, these idiots were actually trying to be responsible as huntsmen. Unlike those whiny civilians he'd occasionally see on the street. "I still have some time to kill before Old Man Coffee throws all of us off a cliff, maybe someone will notice me holding the damn thing and snatch it away."

Roman went straight to the bathroom, carrying the pillow as he did. He didn't have any toothbrushes or toiletries with him, but he had to wash the exhaustion from his face. He has his fair share of hygiene. Unlike those monkeys wrestling last night, he actually had the decency to maintain his beautiful and flawless face.

Walking inside the bathroom, he saw that the only other person with him there was Mango; brushing his teeth before noticing him. "Oh, rhey Romahn."

"You should clean your mouth before talking, you're gonna get obnoxiously-branded toothpaste all over me." Roman stated; placing the pillow to the side and turning on the sink. He made sure Mango rinsed his mouth first before talking. "So, what's got you up early in the morning? Got morning wood and decided to hide in the bathroom? Or are you that excited to die after being thrown off a cliff?"

Mango's face paled after hearing the question. "W-We're going to be thrown off a cliff...?!"

"Geez, dumbass. Relax. I was just messin' around with you. I don't what know kind of test that sick bastard thought up for us, but I'm sure it'll be dangerous."

Roman realized how talkative he was at the moment. He doesn't really get to talk like this unless he was with Neo, and she can't even talk back to him. It kinda felt like he was talking to himself most of the time. It was honestly a refreshing change of pace.

And no, he doesn't like the fool like that! He just had no one to talk to most of the time.

"Hey Mango, you didn't answer my question earlier. Make me repeat it or else I'm gonna take your Lien."

"Uh-uhm, I always wake up this early. My four little sisters kinda helped me with that. They woke me up in the morning, and I'd put them to sleep at night." Mango smiled; probably 'cause he was reminiscing about his family. Roman continued washing his face as the blond talked. "Guess being one of the older siblings means that they get to toy with you every single day, huh?"

"I'm just surprised you haven't blown your lid off talking about them." Roman grabbed tissue from the nearby compartment offering it for free. "Kids can be complete scumbags at times."

"I would describe them using another word, but I agree with you. One way or another." The two of them walked away from the bathroom, but not before Roman took the pillow with him. Mango must've noticed him carrying it around. "What's with the pillow? I thought you didn't have anything when you slept on the stairs?"

"I didn't. But some weirdo gave me a love letter in form of a decent pillow. I was kinda planning on returning it, but I couldn't even find the person who gave it." Roman explained. It looks like Mango wasn't horrified with what he said, for once. Judging from his face, the blonde wanted to help him as well. "You know, I could just steal it..."

"What?! You can't steal from people."

"Gee, thanks Captain Obvious. I would've been on the wrong side of the law if it wasn't for you." The ex-criminal sarcastically stated. Mango had his good and bad moments. The one happening right now was clearly one of the worse ones. "You sure this isn't yours?! You seem pretty attached for someone who doesn't own it."

"It's not mine, I assure you." Mango stated, before stopping him in his tracks by holding his shoulders.

"Hey, what gives?!" Roman turned back to the blond; who had a confused expression on his face. "I swear, you touch my shoulders again for the last time-"

"How did we end up in the girls' side of the room?"

Oh, now _he _has the balls to interrupt _him_?! That's it! He was definitely going to-

Wait, what the hell did he just say?!

Looking around, Roman saw various sleeping girls in different states of undress. Most of the girls wore casual clothes, some wore pajamas and other sleeping attire, and others were even bold enough to sleep in their underwear.

Although all of them were asleep, Roman could already sense trouble if one of them were to wake up. He knew how violent women can be when being seen in such a state, and he knew that the pain will be worse if it was a guy who saw them. These teenage girls would probably paint them out as perverts and/or probably murder both of them.

He'll never forget that time he accidentally walked in on Neo; wearing nothing but a bra and panties.

The pain she gave to him was worse than anything he could ever imagine...

Roman Torchwick was not a hormone-filled teenage male. He was a teenager; sure, but he never let his hormones take control of him. Unlike those sleazeballs who would think that they're in paradise upon seeing the sight of multiple vulnerable girls, he knew that both him and Mango were in a deathtrap. Both boys stared at each other silently, as if conveying a message with their eyes.

Of course, that voodoo crap was impossible. So he decided to quietly whisper to him instead.

"_This is the plan. We go out the other direction, and sneak out without waking anyone up. Got it?_" He really hoped Mango wasn't on of those guys who were complete perverts and wanted to stay. He'd ditch both him and their friendship if he was.

Mango nodded, which was a relief.

With the objective in mind, the two then started to walk away with the lightest steps possible. He didn't bother tiptoe-ing, that shit would just make them look like complete dumbasses. Mango was actually doing quite well at evading the sleeping girls and staying calm. Roman initially thought the fool would be wobbling all around the place and activate the deathtrap they were currently inside.

Then he remembered that the fool had four sisters he had to put to sleep at night. Of course he would be used to this.

Roman took a step forward, only to make both of them freeze upon hearing a whine from one of the girls.

Both of them checked to see where the sound came from...

It was Little Red.

Roman looked at where his feet were planted and saw that he had screwed up. His left foot was right between her armpits while his right foot was stuck in between her legs. To make things even worse, the idiot started cradling his legs! It's like when a dog faunus trying to hump legs. But unlike the faunus, you can't kick Little Red away.

"_Roman!_" He heard a whisper from Mango; panic clearly evident on his face. Maybe he could put the blame on him? Scream like a manic hypocrite and say that there's a pervert near the girls? Nah, that won't work. Mango's too innocent to be even called a pervert.

Which meant he had to take care of this himself.

"_Just get your ass outta here!_" He angrily whispered. If Mango was there to try and help him, they'd get twice as damned as they are at the moment. He can escape alone. "_I can get out myself, just try and think of a distraction if they wake up!_"

Mango hesitantly looked at him. He gets it, the dumbass wanted to help. But his presence would just complicate his situation to the point where it was inescapable. A few seconds passed before Mango nodded and carefully went away to his safety.

_"Now. How the hell do I get you away from me once again, Red? Let's not take this to Old Man Coffee, shall we?" __Roman thought; moving his legs for any reaction. It proved to make things worse as her grip got tighter using both her arms and legs. "Okay, can't move recklessly. What the hell can I use against her?! I only thing I have is Melodic Cudgel and this Oumdamn pillow!"_

Wait a minute...

The pillow!

As much as he wanted to shoot the girl with Melodic Cudgel, that would wake everyone up. The pillow would be sufficient enough. Now if he managed to conveniently place it on her face, then maybe she would be blinded enough when he makes his great escape. The idea might not be good, but it was better than nothing.

But before he could even put the plan into action, something had caught his eye about Red's sleeping condition.

Red didn't have anything under her head. She had a blanket, but there wasn't a _pillow._

_"Could just be a coincidence." _He shrugged it off. There's other people without any beddings, right? Roman observed the environment to check if anyone had the same situation as Red, but to no extent. _"C'mon Red, you can't possibly be the one who gave this to me." _

Time was running out. The sun was already rising and people will wake up at any second. Screw it! If Red was the one who gave him the pillow, then he couldn't give two fucks about it! He dropped the pillow on the idiot's face and tried to break free from his bindings.

"...Huh...?" A squeaky voice from below him yawned.

Uh oh.

Before Red could even take away the pillow off her face, Roman quickly used a hand to push it down; disabling her sense of vision for the time being.

"Mmph!?" Red flailed her little arms all around the place, accidentally slapping his face in the process. He finally got both of his legs free from her grip. All he needed to do now was make his great escape.

"Oh my Oum, there's pervert suffocating that little girl!" A girl from afar shrieked, waking up the others in the process.

...Shit.

Without much time left to think of a plan, Roman grabbed Melodic Cudgel and shot a dust crystal at random direction. He knew whatever the bullet hit would catch on fire, but he couldn't care less if the building burned down under him. If anything, he would be more than happy to burn this stinkin' place down.

"FIRE!" A female fighter screeched before other followed in her footsteps. Using the distraction, Roman took the opportunity to run like hell to the safest place he could ever think of.

Running towards his objective, Roman quickly took away his coat and hat before throwing it to the side. He quickly sat down on the staircase and pretended to be asleep. He even snored loudly for a better effect. While he could clearly hear the people inside the room screaming; even the boys, he had to keep his disguise. Not even two minutes in and he was being shook awake. Slightly opening his eyes, he saw that it was Mango 'waking' him up.

"What are you doing!?" Roman cursed under his breath. "You're gonna blow my cover!"

"Look!" Mango stood to the side and pointed at something that would definitely put the ex-criminal in trouble.

The entire ceiling was on fire. Debris were falling all over the place and people were trying to run away as far as possible.

Yep, this was going to be quite the story when it makes it in the headlines.

"Whoops."

* * *

**I'm finished. Sorry if I took long.**

**So yeah, not a great first morning at Beacon. I mean, Roman burning the school - whether it'd be on accident or intentional; doesn't seem to be too far-fetched. This is slightly a humor story with a couple of plot elements, so let's go in as hard as we can with all the possibilities given. **

**I actually planned this chapter to be a lot more serious than what it is right now, but I realized that it wasn't the time for the seriousness to kick in just yet. I am very much sorry for not being able to post a chapter of this for a month. The last two weeks of school got to me, family matters took a couple of days away, and I just wanted to take a break in general. So, guess who's back?**

**Reviews are love. Just give me one and all the stress between us will fade away. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**That's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**Edit: Like the dumbass that I am, I forgot to put in the poll results right after posting this chapter. So, here it is:**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Ruby) - 6 votes**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Roman) - 4 votes**

**Egg Sandwich - 3 votes**

**Solo - 2 votes**

**Team CRRDL - 1 vote**

**Team JNPRR - 0 votes**

**Huh, strange. I don't remember putting 'Egg Sandwich' in there. And why does it have more votes than the other three options?**

* * *

**My P a treon account:**

**P a treon (/) Crazyman03**

**Support me and I will become more motivated to post a chapter. More motivation = better and quickly produced chapters that will release in 1-2 weeks.**


	5. The Nice Bad Boy

**I'm back from the dead baby!**

**And what I mean by that is: I was actually deceased when I wrote the last chapters! Surprised you, didn't I?**

**Okay real talk, I'm actually pretty happy to be back. After taking a break; which may or may not consist of three months, I've finally overcome my Writer's Block and got myself back to writing. I haven't been this motivated in a while, so I'll make the most I can out of it. ****Since I'm back, I'll write as much chapters as I can; before leaving for an entire year contemplating on how much I lost my passion for writing when I hit Writer's Block again.**

**But enough of that stuff, time to get into the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**The Nice Bad Boy**

Well this sucks. No really, it actually did.

Was his ears bleeding? He really needed to check once the banshee in front of him stopped screeching like...well, what do you think? Technically, she wasn't an actual banshee. But her voice was actually so convincing he actually thought he was gonna die soon. Not because of fear, mind you. But because of brain damage.

"Do you have any idea what you're here in for, young man!?" The blonde old hag snarled at Roman.

Sitting inside the Headmaster's Office, Old Man Coffee simply stared in complete silence while Glynda continued her barrage of words filled with unnecessary anger. "Do you realize how many lives you put in danger because of you're nonsense!? Putting the entire ballroom up in flames, assaulting Ruby Rose, and attempting to escape after committing said crimes! You should consider yourself lucky that you haven't been placed behind bars yet!"

"Geez, lady. Can you turn the volume down? My ears are starting to hurt from all the screaming." Roman rubbed a finger in his left ear before checking it moments later. He was surprised when nothing came out. "Wow. After all of that torture, there still _is__n't _any blood in my ears? Color me surprised. I expected at least _something _to come out."

"Of course, a troublemaker like you wouldn't even care about something inexplicably dangerous to your peers." She venomously spat out.

She wanted to play like that, huh? Well two can play that game.

"That's enough, Goodwitch." Old Man Coffee finally spoke up, silencing Glynda and interrupting Roman of his retaliation of _polite _words. Of course, he just had to ruin it like always. "Now then, care to explain what happened? We have yet to hear your side of the story. We would've used footage against you, but the fire also destroyed all the security cameras."

"Heh, sucks to be you." Roman smirked; making sure to rub it in to both of their faces. "It all started when I was a little boy. I was in a farm minding my own business. Milking the cows, kissing the neighbour's daughter inside a barn, you know the drill. But then! There was this huge scary monster that tried to eat me! I was so afraid that I barely managed to shoot the piece of sh-"

"May I remind you of your position, Torchwick?" Old Man Coffee cut him off, he had a glare of annoyance piercing right into the cane-wielder. "This is not a joke, young man. I may not have the will to place your life in the hands of the authorities, but I will instill punishment if you don't cooperate with us."

Of course he's gonna use the 'I'm better than you' card, like the coward he is. Guess he had no choice but to play along then.

"Suit yourself."

The ex-criminal then gave his statement on the events. He started with that damn pillow that Little Red gave him last night. Then told about how he and Jaune; he had to use his real name, ended up in the girls' side of the ballroom on accident in the morning. He pretty much skipped the part where he almost smothered Little Red to death. Of course, he didn't leave out any details about the ceiling fire.

Being the mastermind criminal he is, Roman made sure to make himself look as _innocent _as possible.

"Is that all?" Old Man Coffee sighed. Knowing that there was no evidence to prove him wrong, the ex-criminal was already knew he won the battle.

"What? You don't believe me?" Roman grinned; crossing his arms and placing his legs on the table. "You could just look into the footage. Oh wait, you don't have any."

It might've been as silent as the night, but Roman swore he heard the old bastard growl at him. "I guess we have to give your statement some credibility..."

"What?!" Glynda gave Ozpin a look of incredulity. "You can't be serious, Professor. You believe a criminal like _him _is trustworthy? He could be lying right in front of our faces."

"You really think that an innocent student like me is capable of lying?!" Roman feigned surprise; clutching his chest and dramatically raising a hand to his forehead. "Oh, how I've been hurt by such cruel words! From a teacher nonetheless! Oh how would I deal-eth with this dilemma, knoweth that nobody in the entirety of Remnant trusts me...eth."

"Save your sarcasm for later, Torchwick." Glynda glared with all the hate she had in her. "You're not out of the woods just yet."

"Glynda. Composure." Ozpin took a quick glance to his assistant before returning his attention to the boy. Composure, said by the same guy who growled at him silently two seconds earlier. "Mister Torchwick, if I were to ask Miss Rose about this 'pillow' that has apparently caused this event; would think that she will agree with you or not?"

He smirked. That was one stupid question, not even surprising considering it came from the mouth of an idiot. A little white lie would be more than enough to keep him happy. "Of course she would! Little Red and I are actually close with one another. We were actually playing around last night before we went to sleep, in our respective places of course."

If he was being entirely honest here, he didn't give a damn about Little Red. But he had to look innocent, and who is more innocent than the bastard kid herself?

"Little Red?" Well that's strange. The old man was surprised with him. "Is that a term of endearment of some sort?"

"Yeah yeah, sure." What was he on about now? Is Old Man Coffee finally losing his mind or something? The tea must've gotten to his head. "Now that I have given my statement, I believe I have an initiation to get to?"

The old man sighed once again, probably because they didn't have anything against him. No evidence, no punishment. At least for now. "You're right. We will adjourn this meeting for the moment, as we don't have much time to discuss this incident any further. You are dismissed."

"Well, nice talking to ya!" Getting up from his chair, Roman didn't even bother looking back at the two authorities behind him. He was as free as a bird for the moment, might as well rub it in their faces as much as he can. "Don't even bother asking Little Red, old man. I'm practically crime-free at this point. Might as well cancel the entire investigation."

Opening the door, he faced them one last time before leaving.

"See ya later, idiots."

The door slammed shut.

Meanwhile, the two people remaining in the room simply stayed there; not even a single sound was made for the next few moments.

"This was a mistake." Glynda pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling nothing but stress and frustration emitting from her. "Had we not have enrolled him here and placed him behind a cell, we would be dealing with important. Instead, we got this nonsense."

"I suppose he is quite stressful, that I can agree on." He sipped from his mug yet again. "But it's better than just keeping him in a cage. You do know how prisoners are dealt in Atlas, correct?"

"Still, we could've just given him to the police..."

Ozpin stood up from his chair, walking towards the windows and observing the landscape from afar. "I think this is for the best, Glynda. Remnant; as of the moment, is experiencing a state of leisure and calmness. Imagine this, Goodwitch. If we put him inside a jail cell or even solitary, would he not garner hate towards us? The same goes for why Atlas executes its prisoners. If they were kept alive, how much hate do you think would generate off them?"

"Guess we can't risk anything in these times, huh?" She sighed. "He is one heck of a rule-breaker though..."

"Besides, I think Mister Torchwick will reform his old ways soon enough. Judging from the way he treats Miss Rose, I'm confident he's going to change." A smile crept up to the Headmaster's face.

"What do you mean by that, Sir?"

"Let's just say that, I think Miss Rose has herself a admirer of sorts."

* * *

Roman walked around the locker room; hoping to find Mango somewhere in the area. Not really keen on being brought to the Initiation grounds by the old hag once again, he'd rather go and be lost with Mango. At least _he _didn't take his cigarettes away when they walked with uncomfortable silence.

As he roamed around the scene, he overhead multiple people chatting around. It took him just a few moments to know what the fuzz was all about.

"What the hell happened earlier!?" One of the monkeys he saw wrestling last night asked.

"I have no idea, man! One second I was just sleeping and minding my own business, then the next thing I knew was that there's fire in the room!"

Roman heard one of the girls as he walked past them.

"I swear! It was just this one dude who set the ceiling on fire! I even saw it with my own two eyes! He even assaulted the one girl while she was on her bed!"

"Girl, you crazy. No way that a single person can start a fire that big. Either that was his semblance, or you were just tired from all the travelling we did yesterday. He assualted a girl? Why you gotta be starting drama in every school we transfer to? No one's gonna believe you with that."

"B-But it's true!"

Whew. Looks like he dodged a bullet right there. If the girl that saw him made everyone hate him, things would much more troublesome than it is right now. He really had to thank Oum for giving him back his luck. Maybe when he goes to the local shrine he'll do it.

"Now where the hell are you, you blond idiot...!" Roman cursed; still not noticing any signs of the person he was looking for. He looked to the left, he wasn't there. He looked to the right and- oh hey, what do you know. He actually found him. Not only that, he found him with two _famously _familiar faces talking to him.

Vanilla and _Pyrrha Nikos._

Ah yes, the so-called 'Invincible Girl', famous for winning for tournaments in a row and being the mascot for Pumpkin Pete at one point in time. The girl responsible for the increase in huntress' in recent times, the girl that was pretty enough to heal old men of their erectyle disfunction...

The same girl being the reason why he hated huntsmen as a whole.

Oh, he had his reasons for hating her alright. But that's a topic another time. Right now, he needed to get Mango and himself very far away from those two princess' that he has probably fallen in love with. Knowing Mango, he wouldn't be surprised if he actually _did _fall in love with one of them.

"So, I've been hearing rumors about teams. I was thinking you and me would make a good one! A princess like you and a knight like me, we're pretty much the perfect match!" Geez! Is this what flirting is to Mango?! If Roman used sandpaper to wipe his ass after getting constipated, he would definitely say that it was smoother than _that_. "What do you say?"

"Easy there, Casanova." Roman cut between the two of them. It's not that he wants to rescue Mango from embarassing himself, but if the idiot associated his horrible flirting with someone like him; he would seriously dump him off the ocean. "What happened to you? Hormones got the best of you or something? 'Cause right now, you're acting like a gorilla with his dick out."

Mango simply blushed in embarrassment and was about to respond, but Vanilla beat him to it. "You! What are you doing here?"

Looks like Vanilla's fuming, this should be fun. With Nikos and Mango acting as an audience, this is going to be a blast.

"Who are you again?"

Her eyes started twitching in frustration, it was that easy. Nikos and Mango simply stood there, watching the scene unfold with curiousness filling their faces. It took her quite a bit, but Vanilla managed get herself back on track. "What do you mean 'who am I'? You think you could trick me with that unitelligent brain of yours once again? Don't think I forgot our little affair back in the airship yesterday!"

_"You really have no idea how badly you set yourself up, do you?" _

He internally chuckled before putting on a convincing irritated face. He placed a finger on the heiress' mouth; both surprising and shushing her. He leaned down on her; towering over her with his height. "Geez, Vanilla. I knew you were loud when we did it back in the airship. But can you keep your mouth shut for once? At this rate, everyone's gonna know about our little _affair._"

"Oh my..." Everyone turned their attention to Nikos; who had a deep line of red seen across her face. "I didn't know you were very..._promiscuous_...doing it in public as well..."

Realizing what he meant, Vanilla quickly turned bright red and pushed him away from her. She accusingly pointed a finger at Roman; who just stood right next to Mango with a smirk on his face. "Y-You! Do you even realize what you just said!? You and your uncouth mouth!"

"Oh, so I'm the one with the uncouth mouth. Darling, have you cleaned yours yet? I'm pretty sure I left a couple of strains there." Roman chuckled. "Besides, am I really that bad with my mouth? You pretty much let out all your frustrations on me when I used it on you. Did you forget?"

Both Nikos and Vanilla were bright red after with what he said. The heiress looked like she was about to murder him. Nikos; however, was more or less about to pass out. Vanilla threatened him with a glare, though it wasn't really working due to the red covering her face.

"P-Pervert!" She grabbed Nikos by the arm and dragged her away from the scene. "Come on, Pyrrha! Let's get away from indecorous filth."

Roman was having the time of his life laughing as the two girls left the scene. Messing with Vanilla was fun, it actually reminded him of messing with Neo. But unlike Neo, she couldn't kick his ass in public and just in general. The cane-wielder was confident in himself that he could flat out beat the heiress in a fight no sweat.

She was never something, and she will never be _anything_.

Once the moment of joy has passed, he looked at Mango and was surprised he wasn't even smiling. In fact, it looked like he was disappointed at him. "What's with your face?"

"Roman. Do you even realize what you just said to Weiss?"

Oh Oum, he's gonna turn into a mother hen. He needed to turn this around before he gets murdered by words. Or get bored to death. Whatever the terms idiots use these days.

"I dunno, did _you _even understand what I just said?" He growled; challenging the blond boy. Mango was easy enough to scare anyways. "If not, then don't lecture me. If you do, go ahead. But I'll guarantee you all your Lien's gonna be gone tomorrow."

"...I-I guess I didn't really get what you were saying anyways..." Just like that, he cowers away. Easier then said done. "All I heard is that you and Weiss did something on the airship. That and the mouth thing. She probably thought your breath smelled bad."

Wow. So Mango's a seventeen year-old kid who doesn't even know about sex?! He's impressed, finding someone like him is the equivalent to drowning in the ocean and coming out alive. It's gonna be even more fun when he decides to break his innocence about girls later on in the future.

Dismissing the subject, Roman started walking. "Come on, I don't want to be stuck in this stupid locker room. The humidity's getting to me and I need fresh air."

"I don't think you need fresh air as much as you need a fresh breath." Mango soon caught up to his side. He held out his hand, which had some kind of pill on it. "You want a mint?"

"Oh come on, my breath doesn't smell _that _bad! I take care of my hygiene very well! For your information." To prove his statement even more, he smelled his own breath...

...

...

...

"Yeah, I think I'll take the mint."

* * *

**And we're finished.**

**Man, it feels good to be back. This chapter was actually supposed to be longer than it should've been, but I felt that this was a good place to end it. Ruby and Yang were originally going to be in the chapter, but I decided against it. Gee, I wonder who's gonna meet Roman next? Because I totally did _not _reveal the person in my previous statement! (H****int: It's Yang.)**

**Reviews are love. For each one I get, I'll donate a cookie to the RHO (Ruby's Hungry Organization). The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**Poll results:**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Roman) - 11 votes**

**Solo - 8 votes**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Ruby) - 7 votes**

**Egg Sandwich - 5 votes**

**Team CRRDL - 2 votes**

**Team JNPRR - 1 vote**

**I swear, if 'Egg Sandwich' actually wins this one. I'll gonna be so mad and happy at the same time.**

* * *

**My P a treon account:**

**P a treon (/) Crazyman03**

**NOTE: I'VE SHUT DOWN MY CREATOR PAGE!**

**With the attitude I have towards writing at the moment, I don't think I'm a person that's fit to have be supported by such lovely people. So yeah, no need to donate to support me. Your attention to this story is all I need.**


	6. Ready, Set, Pedal!

**Hi, I'm quite bored and I'm writing this to compensate for my boredom.**

**Alright, results are in! Poll is finally closed, and I can get on with the team arrangements. Now, since there were also people who didn't vote but left a review about their choices, I will also count them in. It would be quite unfair if I didn't count them in, but please try your best to answer the poll in my Profile Page next time.**

**It was actually a close match between two arrangements actually. I'm not gonna spoil it, so all of the readers can find out for themselves on which option won. **

**Alright, let's get this show on the road.**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Ready, Set, Pedal!**

Remember when he was talking to Mango in the bathroom - you know, the one before he accidentally put the damn school on fire? Remember that part of the conversation where he also told the same damn idiot that they were going to get thrown of a cliff? Remember when he said that Old Man Coffee won't do exactly what he said?

Turns out that through the power of Oum, he had somehow predicted the fact that they're being thrown off a cliff and will most probably be left to die after encountering a couple of Grimm.

He wasn't sure whether he's supposed to be happy or not.

"For years, you have trained to become warriors." Roman stood right next to Mango as he listened to the old bastard speak. "Today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest."

"Now, I'm sure many of you have heard rumors on the assignment of teams."

Definitely. Even when getting to the cliffs, he heard some pretty dumb things from idiots flapping their mouths. The most notable ones were: Old Man Coffee and his lackeys coming up with names so that they team up people by force, this one girl imitating some kind of animal to find her boyfriend and even a rumor which talks about how your team will be the ones to get into an orgy with you later on. He had to admit that whoever had said the last one, he would laugh the hell out of if they find out that their team were filled with dicks.

Especially if that person was a _guy_.

"Well, allow me to put an end to your confusion. Each of you will be given teammates. Today."

"Oh really now..." Roman couldn't help but put a palm to his face. What? Were they planning to give them _tomorrow_?! How about they team up people once the year ends, maybe that'll help. Did the hag even realize how stupid she sounded when she said that?

The boy saw the old hag glare at him. He smirked back. What's she gonna do? With how everyone was staring at her, she wouldn't even be able to lay a finger on him. He knew that she was too prideful for her own good.

"These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon." Old Man Coffee continued. "So, it is in your best interest to be paired with someone with whom you could work well. That being said, first person you make eye contact with after landing will be your partner for the next four years."

"WHAT!?" A annoyingly squeaky voice rung throughout the cliffs. That has _got _to be Little Red, right?! No one could ever imitate the sound of a damn dolphin more than the kid herself. First the old hag screamed at him like a gorilla from the Headmaster's office, then this happens. He swore, some deity from the skies had some sort of ear fetish and was out to get his.

"After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest." Coffee continued; as if he had not heard the dolphin from earlier. "You will meet opposition on the way. Destroy them, and don't hesitate to finish off anything that hinders you. You will be monitored and graded for the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene."

_"Oh? No one's gonna try and stop me if shit hits the fan?" _If what he was hearing was true, then this stupid thing just got a whole lot better. _"Maybe there's some sort of exit around here. If I could find that, then I'm home free!"_

"For everyone's safety, we also have guarded all known exit points so that people with interests to escape will still need to complete the objective."

...Dammit.

"You will find an abandoned temple at the end of the path containing several relics. Each pair must choose one and return to the top of the cliff. We will regard that item; as well as your standing, and grade you appropriately. Are there any questions?"

Mango raised his arm. Hope he doesn't say anything stupid. "Uhh, Sir? I have a-"

"Good. Now, take your positions."

Well, at least he didn't say anything stupid. Roman heard one of the launchpads being set off; seeing as he was at the other corner, it's gonna be a while before he gets thrown into the air and possibly get murdered. Of course the second part won't happen, he was way too good to be murdered in a kiddie playground like this.

He _hoped_ those idiots actually get killed, less competition and annoying bastards he has to deal with in the long run. The ex-criminal's train of thought was snapped by a sudden grip from his shoulders. He turned his head to the owner and saw Mango; whose face tread the lines of "Save me!" and "I'm going to hell..."

"What the hell do you want?" He shoved the blond's hand away from him. "I swear, you've been having a hard-on for my arms ever since yesterday. Did you not notice? Or were you too much of a dumbass to know that?"

"S-Sorry, Roman. I kinda just wanted to ask something. I don't think the headmaster heard me..."

"With the way you are, you think anyone would give a damn if they heard you or not?" Roman saw the blond's face. His eyes and mouth was clearly pointing to the ground. The fool must've been hurt to be ignored by Old Man Coffee. "The world ain't filled with rainbows, kid. Not everyone's gonna help you if you keep acting this way."

Another launch pad set off. His turn was getting closer and closer each passing second. He stole a glance at Mango; who was talking to somebody else entirely. That was strange, Mango was talking to someone like a normal person and _not _stumbling on every little thing he says?! Slightly leaning his back, Roman saw a certain garden-tool using; cartoon princess rip-off, speaking with his idiot friend. No wonder that scream from earlier hurt his damn ears...

_"Mango thinks he's so slick not asking me for answers to his oh-so problematic situations, huh?" F__ine, it's not like he cared if Mango decided not to be filled with knowledge only he possessed. Idiot thinks he could survive without his advice, eh? "Hmph, let's see how long he'll last."_

Another launchpad set off, and another one, and another one. When he finally saw Little Red spring into the air, that's when he knew that it was finally time to fix his hair. If he had to lie, then he would say that he was afraid to die. Then, once he saw Mango suddenly take flight, he remembered that Vanilla was a girl that liked to bite.

Roman suddenly felt a newfound dislike for rhyming at that very moment.

Whatever, it was his turn anyways.

Time to show all these fools who's the boss.

In three...

Two...

One...

...

Huh?

"Is this thing broken or what?" The hell? The launchpad wasn't working. "Hey Coffee Bags, what kind of second-hand trampoline did you buy for this to not work properly?"

"Hmm, it appears that it broke right as we intended you to take flight." Old Man Coffee then signaled the blonde hag to get something with her stick or whatever she had. "Do not fret, Mister Torchwick. We may not have experienced this incident before, but we already have an emergency backup if things were to go wrong."

"Emergency backup...?"

XxXxX

Life has it's ups. Life has it's downs.

Life is also hated by Roman Torchwick.

"Emergency backup my ass..." Roman grunted as he moved his legs as much as he can. "This thing's a liability!"

The so-called 'replacement' that Old Man Coffee gave him? It was definitely useful, and it gave him more of an advantage than most other people that got launched. But if Grimm were to come bite his iresistably juicy ass; which they would definitely enjoy, he would have a hard time trying to shoot or escape on a bicycle.

Yep, you heard him right. He's riding a _bicycle_. Not only that, a _pink_ one with a basket in front...

"Ugh, this thing's blinding me more than the sun, I'd say that." Did the old man really have to give him this color? It felt like he was looking at some stupid color combination like Red, White, Black and Yellow all at the same time. It's a complete eyesore.

Pulling out a compass from his ex-cigarette pocket, Roman stopped his pedaling and examined it. Hey, he wasn't going to drive while distracted. No no no, he was too much of a civilized person to do such criminal actions. To be honest, the compass was actually somewhat helpful for him. It was much more valuable than Old Man Coffee probably thought.

"Let's see here." Checking the directions, it appears that he was still headed north. "Looks like I'm still in track. Here's to hoping some idiot doesn't become my partner in the next couple of minutes."

Before he could even get back to moving his pink bicycle, a rumbling came from Remnant.

With the amount of bad situations he had already been, he knew this was a bad one.

"What is it now?!"

Riding the bike would probably be a bad idea seeing that was Remnant was shaking like it was having a seizure. The cane-wielder got Melodic Cudgel from his hip and prepared for any incoming attacks. You know, it would've been a lot more intense if it weren't for the damn bicycle he was trying to hold up. The thing didn't even have a kickstand!

"I'm starting to get sick of this thing!" Roman cursed, finding a place he could lean the bike on. "Maybe I'll put it here right next to this tree-"

The plan of safekeeping the bike burst into flames when he saw an Ursa suddenly crash into it. The boy quickly stared at the direction it came from; finding out that multiple trees have already been destroyed even before the Grimm crashed into the one right next to him. He also took a quick glance at the Grimm and saw that it was slowly recovering from crashing into so many trees.

It looked weak enough to get killed with a dust round.

So he shot it.

"That was easy."

It was words like those that managed to turn his luck upside down.

A flock of large Grimm came out from behind the forest trees, surrounding the path he orginally emerged from. Boarbatusks, Griffon, Lancers, you name it. He slowly backed away; keeping his distance from the creatures. One? No problem. Three? He could beat them blindfolded. Seven? Maybe he'd actually put a little more effort in to make it more exciting.

"But twenty of you idiots?!"

Taking a quick peek behind him, he saw that the path to the temple were yet to be filled with Grimm. Maybe if he could pedal fast enough, then there might be a chance that he'll live to see another day. _"Better than nothin'!"_

"Well hello there, gentlemen. Pleasant seeing all of you here." Roman fished his pocket to find anything that'll help him escape. "Now, you may be thinking that I killed your friend over there. But do not worry! I have the perfect cure to fix my undeniable and unforgivable mistake."

The ex-criminal found a red dust shard that he had stole from that shop two days ago.

Perfect.

"Here's a pill." He threw the shard at the Grimm; aiming Melodic Cudgel at the same time. "Hope it doesn't blow up your stomach!"

* * *

"Jerk!" A firey blonde shouted; delivering one last punch to the poor Grimm that had incited her wrath. "Nobody messes with my hair!"

Now that's over with, where was north again? Definitely not the place where she punched that Grimm into oblivion. Man, she sure wished she had some sort of partner to help her right now. Even having some silent person with her would be better than being alone. "Maybe it's this way...?"

Yang started walking towards the direction she had pointed to; unsure if it had been the one she had taken earlier. She could just blast herself in the sky, but she'd rather waste her energy fighting Grimm than getting lost.

Not even more than ten steps in, she felt the ground vibrate and heard objects hitting the floor. Yang turned her back just in time to see some orange-haired boy whirl past her, riding a pink bicycle at speeds which could make any bottom-tier motorcycle hang their heads in shame.

"Coming through!"

Yang just watched him as he quickly got away from whatever he was driving away from. She checked out what he was running from and-

"Yikes!" She blasted Ember Celica into the ground and flew herself away from the scene. "How did he manage to attract all of _that_!?"

Blasting off from one tree to another, it didn't take long for Yang to catch up to the boy from earlier. She was impressed, not a lot of people can pedal as fast as that guy. Not even the cycling gang she joined back in Patch. The _motorcycling _gang to be specific. The two made eye contact as both tried to escape from the horde; which was chasing both of them fervently. Although, it felt more like he was glaring at her than anything.

"Nice ride!" Yang observed his bike, using her knowledge of riding Bumblebee to try and help him. "You look like you're having fun, need any help?"

"I dunno, Blondie. Do I look like I need any help!?" He snarled. Geez, attitude much? She noticed the guy starting to slow down, this isn't good. "Damn!"

Yang knew she didn't have much time. He was slowing down and the Grimm were catching up. She observed his vehicle a bit more and saw something that caught her eyes. _"__Bike pegs!" _

"Hold on, big guy!" The blonde eased herself back into running speed, jumping onto the pegs and gripping the boy's shoulders. "Now drive!"

"Are you kidding me?! I'm dead tired already!" He glared at her once again. "You're slowing me down even more, blondie!"

She grinned, "Well lift your legs off the pedals, 'cause we're going full throttle!"

"The hell you mean by-"

Aiming her gauntlets to the nearby trees, Yang fired a shot that will cause the tree to fall on to the Grimm and shoot both of them away at the same time. Doing what he was told, the boy lift his legs up at the sudden pickup of acceleration. However, he also _let go _of the handlebars as well! Quicky leaning over, the blonde took control of the vehicle while the guy just kept his balance and wrapped himself around her belly.

"Now this is going to be fun, just like Bumblebee!" Yang squealed. Man, she really wished she could've Bumblebee to Beacon. Would've been a lot more fun to ride in a big place like the forest. "How you doing down there, buddy?"

"Fantastic! Going at two hundred kilometers per hour and being on the verge of getting murdered is just amazing, isn' it?!" Yang felt his grip somewhat loosen up. The rider found out that he pulled out a cane and aimed it towards the Grimm. "These guys just don't stop, do they?! Keep the wheel steady for me, sweetheart. You're not the only one who can put up a fireworks display."

Doing as she's told, Yang directed her eyes to the road. Him, on the other hand, started firing dust shots at them. She heard a whisting sound and assumed that it was just his weapon.

The road was getting rougher by the second. She even had to maneuver the bike to the point where the guy couldn't shoot properly anymore. "I thought I told you to keep this thing smooth and steady!"

"Well _sorry_ that I have to avoid all the rocks!" Yang tried her best to stay calm. Her getting angry while driving did not match at all. "How many of them are left?"

"One two three- oh I don't know, twenty!? Every time I take one down, another one just appears right at that moment! I swear, Oum's put a curse on me!"

This isn't working. "Well if we can't stop them..." The blonde aimed one of her Gauntlets to the ground. "We just have to lose 'em!"

"Isn't that what we were doing for the past three minutes already?!"

She shot another dust round to the ground; increasing their speed once again. But instead of trying to drive in a straight line, the rider swayed off to the sides. She went in zigzags, semi-circles, whatever she could use just to escape. Heck, she even did some tricks for style points. But the dude didn't really like it that much. If him clinging onto her for dear life was anything to go by.

"Stop trying to balance on one wheel, ya lunatic!" His hands clamped up, trying to balance himself by holding onto her back. "We've already lost 'em!"

Yang gradually decreased the speed of the bike to a more leisurely pace after hearing the news. Eventually, the vehicle came to a full stop. Once the adrenaline wore off, the two sat on the ground; completely tired. That was exhausting, it's not everyday you get to be chased by a horde of Grimm. The two teens rested for the next few minutes before eventually getting back on their feet.

"Well that was one heck of an introduction." Yang cleared up the silence, offering a hand to the boy. "I don't think I got your name, hot stuff. I'm Yang. Yang Xiao Long. But you can call me 'sexy' if you want~."

"Heh. I like your style, _cheesecake_." Oh? Pet names already, he looks like a lot of fun. "Roman. Roman Torchwick."

"Ooh, cheesecake? I like that." She smirked as she got closer to him. "Any reason why you called me that, handsome?"

"...Mango was already taken and I don't know anymore yellow ice cream flavors..."

Wha?

* * *

**Boo! **

**I am the scary chapter ender! Here to end all of your chapters! Ooh, scary...**

**Play the fanfare, 'cuz team RRWBY won the poll. I mean, it's already obvious by how Roman and Yang were paired up. Now, you might be asking me where Blake is in all of this. I'm sad to say that she had actually passed away, nowhere to be seen or found ever since chapter 3...**

**Nah, I'm just messing with ya. But seriously, she will show up at a later date. **

**As you can obviously tell, the interactions between Roman and Yang is much less hostile than the others. I feel like if both of these two knuckleheads weren't enemies in the battlefield, they would seem like genuine friends. Roman with all of his sass and Yang with hers, these two are a nightmare. Puns everywhere (Yang) and insults (Roman) galore!**

**Reviews are love. Keep leaving one, I need it to transform it into cookies for Ruby. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion, and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**

* * *

**Poll Results:**

**"Which team should Roman be in?" (Counting reviews as well)**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Roman) - 14 votes**

**Solo - 13 votes**

**Team RRWBY (Leader: Ruby) - 10 votes**

**Egg Sandwich - 7 votes**

**Team CRRDL - 4 votes**

**Team JNPRR - 3 votes**

**Wow, the two we're actually super close! This chapter would've been so much different if 'Solo' won. Probably would've given Roman some development, but wouldn't give the chapter its humor and character interactions.**

**Edit: Guys... I mean that the teams are already decided. I won't be accepting anymore votes since I already closed the poll. Not even the ones in the reviews, just to be clear.**


	7. Idiots And Pieces (1-2)

**Hey! Lemme tell you a secret. That black and white circle right next to the chapter name? That's actually dark mode. Pretty cool, right?**

**Alright! I'm cooking a Roman spaghetti with a dash of Yang in it. I don't know what the hell that is, but I'll make sure you guys get to enjoy. Either voluntarily or by force. Now c'mere and read your damn chapter! You little—**

**Disclaimer: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum.**

**Story is mine.**

* * *

**Idiots And Pieces [1-2]**

Squeak.

Squeak.

Squeak.

"Uhh, Roman? Is it me or does the bike sound like it's finally on its way to bicycle heaven?"

"Maybe if you weren't standing right behind my back and breathing on my neck, it'd probably be in bicycle hell." Roman grunted; pushing himself to move the pedals. "How about you get you and your milk bags off so I could actually move this thing quick?"

"Oh come on, don't pretend you don't enjoy the feeling of a hot girl and her milk bags within your reach~!" Roman felt her hands massging his shoulders. The sensation he was getting was definitely twenty times better than when Mango grabbed it all the time. But he wasn't going to drop down that easily.

"A pair of breasts ain't enough to get me going, y'know?" Rolling his eyes; he continued pedaling without giving her much attention. "Besides, if were talking hot, I'd be the very definition of it, sweetie."

"Oh yeah?" Cheesecake plopped her head onto his shoulders. "How 'bout a bet? I think of something and whoever wins has to do the other favours for the rest of the semester?"

"You're on, sweet-cheeks." So she thinks she can bark him around like some dog, eh? Fat load of bull.

"Heh, can't wait for it."

Honestly speaking, he actually liked Cheesecake's presence. She was okay in his book. Sure, she wanted to be a hero — and Little Red's connotation to that word made it worse. But she's alright. Hell, he might even call her _Yang. _Unlike Mango, at least her name has a ring to it.

He's definitely _wasn't _using that as an excuse not to call her Cheesecake.

_Ugh, why did Mango have to exist? Now I'm out of yellow ice cream flavors to name this girl.__ What else flavor is there? Pineapple? Does that shit even exist? If so, what kind of sick bastard eats pineapple ice cream? Maybe I should ditch the ice cream theme? I'm putting way too much effort naming these fools._

A name popped into his head. Sunrise is a flavor, right? Maybe he could use that.

_Now that I think about it, Sunrise definitely fits this girl. Cheesecake is way too damn long to stick around. Sunrise it is then._

Wait a second. He's not staying around in this mess that old bastard of a headmaster calls a school! Why the hell should he care about naming her if he's going to escape the moment he got the chance to?

"Hey, isn't that it?" Sunrise pointed right in front of him; breaking his line of thought. "That's the place with the relics, right?"

Roman fished out the compass he had in his pockets. It was in the right direction. The place looked like complete garbage. Smelled like it too. Everything about the place screamed Old Man Coffee in his eyes.

"Yep, seems like it. If it ain't, you're driving."

Memories of a high-speed chase with hordes of Grimm flashed into his mind.

"You know what, I take that back."

Both of them slowly rode the bike to the ruins; the vehicle giving a few more squeaks before finally arriving at their destination. Hopefully there won't be any Grimm to crash into whatever he's going to park the bike at. That thing saved his ass more than once, no way is he going to ditch it. Sunrise hopped off; sounds of stretching and humming being heard from her.

"Hey, aren't these...chess pieces?"

He picked up a piece. Sure enough it was from a chessboard. "You know, I at least expected _some _value with these 'relics'."

"Agreed." She saw her pick up two different pieces and held it in front of his face. "So~ should we go with the tower or the horsey?"

"I don't care."

"Oh well." She shrugged, "After giving it some serious consideration, I announce the Pony as the winner!"

"Figures." Snorting in her direction, he took the piece and kept it in one of his pockets. "Not surprising that _you_ would pick a horse."

"Heh, I'd say my horse-riding skills are top notch." Sunrise grabbed his wrist, leaned down, and stared him right in the eyes. Giving him a view of her pretty face and a preview for something more. "Want me to show you a demonstration?"

A high-pitched scream was heard throughout the forest; breaking both of them apart.

That voice...

It sounded awfully familiar...

"Some girl's in trouble!" Sunrise said in worry. "Roman, did you hear that?"

His ears were yet to be broken by the voices of Little Red and Vanilla, of course he heard that. But something else came to mind. Something about that _girl _which gave him curiosity.

_Just how the hell did he survive that jump...?_

Another scream was caught in the hemisphere; except it was coming from above. Both him and Sunrise faced up and saw something black and red — and annoying — fall from the skies. Is that...?

"Catch me!" Little Red shrieked.

"Oh hell no."

"Sis!?"

Roman quickly fixed his gaze on Sunrise. Sis?! That goody-two-shoes was her sister?! No wonder she covered Little Red's ass last night like she's a messiah. She was her damn sibling! Unless Sunrise was messing with him, he would have never made that connection between her and Little Red.

"Hold on, Rubes! I'm gonna catch you! Go over here!"

She ran to the right.

Then to the left.

"No, not there!"

He just stood there; absolutely doing nothing to help catch that annoying bastard in the skies. Honestly, why would he? The pillow was a one time thing and even then, a damn pillow is not enough to warrant a life-saving from him. That little good-girl act she did last night was an apology for putting him in this damn school, not of kindness.

As if the situation couldn't get any worse. Trees were crashing down again; with each one getting louder and closer than the last. Looks like the jerks chasing them earlier finally caught up. Roman picked up Melodic Cudgel, readying himself to fire at any given moment. With his partner busy with her that little kid, it's his time to shine.

"Come on now, kiddies!" The chamber for his dust bullets opened. "Come out and play!"

An Ursa popped out from between the trees. Heh, this was too easy.

A dust bullet flew into the air. Hitting the creature right in the face and barely missing the orange girl riding on top of it.

Hold on, What?

The animal fell onto its belly; telling him that it was indeed deader than a roast turkey. At least the turkey tasted nice. But turkeys were the least of his worries right now. The girl who'd been using the thing as a bull seemed pretty pissed at him.

"Hey! What's your problem?!" Stomps were heard as she was walking right in front of him. "Can't you see what you just did?"

"I don't know, I killed a Grimm?" Did this girl have a problem or something? Because if not, then what the hell was she mad for?! Seriously, these people are starting to give him a headache. Any more and he probably would've suffered an aneurysm. He glared at her, "You know that right, Orange? The dying dead that we're supposed to make dead?"

"No you didn't!" The weirdo inched her head to the side; eyeing something that wasn't him. "What you did was ruin my— Pretty bicycle~!"

"Eh?" Roman turned around to check his resting bicycle, only for Orange to magically teleport and fawn over it. "What the hell?!"

"This is yours?! Can I keep it! It looks so cute and so pink!"

"Hey! You can't just take other people's stuff without permission, you know?!"

Pot call the kettle black or whatever that saying was, he didn't give a damn. _Nobody _stole from him. No matter how hard or tough that bastard may be, he will not be the criminal mastermind who got his bike — of all things — taken away from him! Before he could swing his cane and use it to knock out little miss Orange, some magazine cover looking boy stopped him from doing so.

"Please forgive her." Mister dark, edge and emo requested. "She's been trying to get a bicycle even back then. I apologize in her stead."

Roman took a deep breath and smiled "Well then. Since you asked so politely, I'll probably forgive you and your girlfriend over there for trying to commit theft on me. Asshole."

"We're not together."

"Don't care." Walking up to Orange and placing his grip on her arms, it's time to get her dirty hands off his property. "C'mon, Green Tea. Help me get your girlfriend off my bike."

"She's not my..." Green Tea tried to explain himself, but he didn't listen. All he cared about was getting Orange off his bike.

Both of them pulled Orange away from his belongings. He's gotta admit, Orange was tough to pull. She actually pretty heavy for her size. Either that or she had twenty kilograms of metal hidden inside her. She didn't even budge until her boyfriend lured her away with pancakes. The bike didn't suffer much in her palms, which was a good thing. It already went through the hell of being used as a getaway motorcycle, he'd rather not damage it any further.

Roman dusted himself off; finishing the mini-inspection on his bike. "Well, now that's all done and good." He turned to the couple standing behind him, "We can finally talk about taking action for attempted larceny. I suggest giving me all your pocketed Lien as a charge up-front."

"And why should we give our money to you?"

"Because, Green Tea, I'm my own judge and lawyer." He bowed and opened his arms to display his power. "And I — using my corrupt judging abilities — find you two guilty and sentenced to community service."

Green Tea didn't look impressed. Orange on the other hand, was having more than just a breakdown.

"Noo! Not community service!" She wailed and grabbed onto Green Tea's arm. "How will I ever survive _community service_?!" She let go of her boyfriend and got on her knees. "Please Mr. Judge, please reconsider this punishment you inflicted upon me!"

A buzzing sound filled the air.

"What now?!" Roman snarled.

From inside the forest, a bunch of bushes ruffled fervently. Some girl in black came out later; breathing heavily and blushing red. It if weren't for her sweaty face, Roman would've probably thought she was replacement for Green Tea. He saw her spot a quivering smile with legs that shook like Mango's when he first met him.

"H-Hello..." Miss Black Forest squeaked; finally realizing that she was baeing looked at by several people. "T-This is the place, right?"

"Yep!" Orange popped out and held out her hand. "I'm Nora! Nice to meet'cha!"

She gulped, "Blake. Blake Belladonna. Please don't mind that buzzing, I was just taking care of some...things..."

"Okay...?"

"Why did that buzzing sound so familiar, though?" Roman muttered to himself. Strange, he swore he heard that sound whenever he passed Neo's room back then.

Enough about Black Forest. He couldn't care less about some stupid girl. What he cared about was living to see another day.

Somwhere from the corner of his eye, Nikos can be seen with a large Deathstalker chasing her ass. Oh would you look at that, she's heading his way! Putting him in potential danger and most likely adding on to the disaster that's called an 'Initiation'. She ran right past him, the large Grimm now focusing on eating him instead. He; of course, made a mad dash for it. But that was useless since the thing ran faster than he did.

With no choice but to fight, Roman got Melodic Cudgel and prepared for a last stand.

That is, until something pushed him away.

His vision were stuck in a haze from the sudden impact. Whatever got him, he was sure that it wasn't the Deathstalker. Crashing into a tree, his hat and cane fell off his body. A sharp pain struck his cranium and back, nearly killing him if it weren't for his Aura.

"What the hell was that...?" Roman groaned. His eyes and hand going after his accessory and weapon. He dusted his hat off, not wanting any gunk to mess in his hair when he wears it.

Once he wore his hat and found his cane, something interesting had fell on the ground below.

Rose petals.

_No... It can't be..._

He looked up to the Ruins, seeking her stupid smiley face. That little brat. Giving him pillows — pushing him away from a fight he can take. What the hell does she want?! Why was she doing this? She's after him, wasn't she? If not, then what's with the nice girl act?

Roman saw Little Red; her gaze on him. Her head went in the other direction, facing her sister and pretending like nothing ever happened.

He glared at the back of her head.

_What's your game here, Red...?_

* * *

Yang stared at her sister; who was trying to avoid eye contact with her.

_What was that all about?_

Yang went on to sneak a peek on her partner. He was sitting there, boring a hole into the back of her sister's head. Normally, she would've gone up to him and sucker punched him for giving Ruby a dirty look.

But the look he was giving isn't even remotely close to pervy, he was pissed.

_Do these two know each other? Sure, Ruby will do anything to help others. But it's obvious to everyone he could handle that Deathstalker on his own, or at least until help comes. _

Was Ruby doubting on him? She isn't like that. If anything, Jaune fits the bill more than anyone. Vomit boy just looked like a noodle from inside out. Maybe she had some sort of history with him? She was really quiet when she came back from that dust shop a couple days ago too.

"Hey Yang!" Ruby called; breaking her out of her thoughts. "Look what I got!"

Ruby showed her hands, the other pony piece in her hands.

"Oh hey, that's nice. I've got that too." She showed hers; managing to get a gasp from Ruby.

"Does that mean we get to be teammates?!" Yang was caught in surprise when her sister started hugging her. "Alright! I get to be teammates with my sister, Weiss and ahh..." An uncomfrotable silence came before Ruby spoke again. "Roman..."

"Do..." Yang shook her head. That's a question for another day. If she asked how she knew her partner, she'd be aware of what she's doing. In stereotypical Ruby fashion, she'll tell half-truths and avoid the subject. "Hey Rubes, where's your partner?"

"Oh, Weiss?" Ruby looked around; searching for her partner, but to no avail. "That's weird, she sould be around here somewhere."

"Ruby!" A shrill voice entered their ears.

Both of them stared into the skies, Weiss still hanging on to the Nevermore for her dear life.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Jaune approached them. His bright smile turning into confusion upon seeing their faces. "Uhh, guys...?"

Simultaneously, Yang pointed up alongside Ruby. Jaune turned to see their very obvious problem. Until something blocked his eyes.

"Hey! What the?" Jaune grabbed hold of the item. He skin became pale from fear. "I-Isn't this...?"

"Weiss'..." Ruby gulped. "Panties...?"

Thud. Jaune suddenly fell to the floor, unconscious with a blush and nosebleed on his face.

"Kyaa! Don't look up!" Somehow, Weiss' voice can be heard clearly.

Yang whistled; a grin slowly making it's way to her face. "Weiss is a bit scared, I guess you could say..."

"Don't you dare, Yang!"

"Weiss is feeling a bit...Panty-fied!"

"YANG!"

* * *

**Damn it, Yang.**

**What's this? Ruby helping Roman once again? Roman being a jerk like usual? Nora serves community service? What will happen now? Will Yang find reasons? Will Roman ever know why his fellow person keeps helping him? Did Jaune see up Weiss' skirt? Tune in next time in the next chapter of Jerk Of All Trades!**

**This took a while. You may be looking for answers why, but this self-proclaimed best writer of all time refuses to state his reasons. I should really get a schedule, should I? ****Pfft, nah! The greatest writer of all time doesn't need no schedule! The greatest writer of all time is the greatest. And the greatest writer of all time also loves speaking in third person, just like what the greatest writer of all time is doing right now!**

**Because the greatest writer of all time is secretly a-**

**Reviews are love. I've got hot cakes, milk, and a Santa Clause right here in my bag and you can get them for free! Santa's being unusually uncooperative though. The review can be a compliment, complaint, suggestion and/or criticism.**

**Anyways, that's all for now and I will see you in the next one.**

**Crazyman out.**


End file.
